You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize