well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
