So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
