Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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