i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
