she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
