im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
