took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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