there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
