it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
