You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
