i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You took a bar mat shot.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
