I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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