my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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