i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
