dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
