I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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