I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
