Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
