get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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