I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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