Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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