3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
