we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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