he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
