Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
