So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
then he tried to convert me to islam
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
