Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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