I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
