Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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