i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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