he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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