does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
