My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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