It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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