Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
