What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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