Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
