i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
