there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
