So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
