What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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