I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
