i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you had me at cake vodka
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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