I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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