I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
