At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
