"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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