He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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