I wish I only lived at night.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
