i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
