so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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