i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
