my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
