I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
