Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
sarcasm needs its own font
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
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