I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize