On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize