some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
