I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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