I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
