so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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