this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
