billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
