i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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