He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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