so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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