You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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