id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
