Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
