Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
