I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
